I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
