Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
