Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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