Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
