Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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