I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
