I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
