i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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