i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
