Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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