i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
