he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
