it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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