I'm really into asian looking animals
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
