I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
