that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
