Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
be right there i have to get my cape
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
