fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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