Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
