Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
