respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you had me at cake vodka
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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