You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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