i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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