Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
