May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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