I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
