I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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