He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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