she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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