Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
