Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
