I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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