Who did Billy Mays play for?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
