I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
