I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
