Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
