Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
