Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
