So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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