I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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