he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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