dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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