U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
