The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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