dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just pee around me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
