Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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