Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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