Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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