I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
two words: eviction party
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
