I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
