did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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