hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
