You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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