Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
