I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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