Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
