he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
