dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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