Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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