im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
