Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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