why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
