Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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