...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
