Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
