Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
