i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
