This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
