Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize