My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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