Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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