I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
