Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
