I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
