and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
