Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
