Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
