Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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