Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
