bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so much tequila, so little girl.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
